The Universe Shifts

Over the last few weeks, after a tumultuous few months of painful experiences in my life, due to marital non-bliss and also the beginnings of a career, I feel like I have been to the war zone and back. I'm jumpy and nervous and anxious but born from this has emerged a new person, less sensitive and tougher on the inside. Do our life experiences mean most learning must be from pain. I have decided to write this week about living in a crisis situation for the last few months, some created by myself some not. I keep thinking am I supposed to be learning from this, and please let this be over. I gave my power away, thinking that...when we throw ourselves at the mercy of a situation, we become it's dinner literally. I found it is best to face what life is giving us, yes even painful situations and move through it with utter acceptance of the situation, I'm ever the optimist so my immediate reaction is "what good is coming from this". I have always considered myself a weaker personality but this could not be farther from the truth and although countless friends has said to me, you are strong, I have yet to see this fully. Why do we fail to see the good stuff within ourselves. I think that learning experiences especially in the thirties/forties which some could say middle age, I like to call it "the growing years". These experiences are given to us at a time when 1. We are able to handle it and change direction in our lives and 2. We are mature enough to gather enough learning experiences from pain that we can somehow reshape our lives. There does come a certain time to stop blaming others for our lives and live in the world free of becoming a victim to the bad experiences that life throws at us. Believe me its liberating to experience this and know that no matter what life throws my way, "Ill be okay".

Motherly Love!

Eight years ago, I lost the most important person in my life, my mum. As a woman, in my view, mothers are the most important people in our development into adulthood. But when we are all grown up and living our lives as an independent, loosing your mother changes your world so dramatically. I look at where I would have been, had she been alive to mould me through my 30's. I see a different place to where I would be had she been in my life. Am I a better person ? As much as I love my mum and loved her dearly, I see my life as an independent symphony of experiences, due to her influence and also her departing this life. I am grafeful for the 30 years I had her wonderful influence in my life and being a person of a positive nature (much like her) I tried so hard to see the good in such a bad awful experience of my mum dying. I was pregnant at the time with my second daughter, I think the first year of her passing was numbness, after that I suppose I see it as a mourning period and overcoming the shock of her death. I held onto the fact I had her for such a short time, but what I had was the most wonderful mum in the world, which I suppose some people never experience. She was a positive, caring, living life to the full soul, whom I loved dearly and I see her "good personality traits" in myself. I envy my friends sometimes as they moan about their mothers, I often speak my mind telling them to love their mothers. I wish I could have mine back in a heartbeat but I dont live in regret, I don't wish for something I cant have, I hold her dear to my heart and I live with the knowledge I had such a wonderful influence in my life for a short time and live my life to my standards knowing I would make her proud "being happy".